A Fools Goodbye

And I hope I never play the fool again but there was so much about you to be foolish for.

Lately closure is coming in every direction, I’m learning to deal with the compass telling me it’s time to move on.

I wanted to be here with you but you are no where near me.

I telling truth and I’m speaking clearly. But you don’t want to hear me.

The irony is I would’ve went wherever you were on a map because I thought you were a treasure.

And I don’t want to ever play the fool again.

To be right about all the things that were wrong. I’ll keep my distant like an associate but give you the well wishes of a friend. Always thinking of conclusions but it’s never up to us how things will end.

The irony is how I lost you is ultimately how you are going to lose me. That makes ideal sense if you think about it carefully. What you are looking for you would’ve found in me.

And I don’t ever want to play the fool again. Looking at old pictures thinking of what could’ve been. These polaroids that were filled with so much joy.

The irony is you have to make sure you’re living right because in a flash everything can come to light.

And I don’t ever want to play the fool again…

The irony…

No one owes you anything. I mean absolutely nothing. That’s a tricky thing about the human experience. We look for so much in others it’s only natural that we be let down.

Sometimes a no is simply a no. It doesn’t mean try harder. Sometimes an apology is needed. It can be sincere. It can be accepted. That doesn’t mean you automatically get another chance. The ones you hold dear may not want to hurt you but that doesn’t mean they won’t cause you pain. They may not want to anger you but that does not mean their actions won’t ever upset you.

I put my effort into what I think is real. What I learned is what I think is ideal might not be someone else’s reality. What I mean by that is this outcome I constructed in my head is not the same outcome the person I am thinking about may have constructed in their head. So I have to live in this moment and act accordingly. We have to love people for who they are and love them even more for what they grow into. For far too long we have lusted for potential that we see in others and not what they are in reality. What’s standing in front of you may change for the better. But what they are right now is who they are. Who they are in this moment. If loving you is not what is meant to be. I will appreciate you. I appreciate who you are and from afar I can appreciate what you grow into.

In my head I wish you could see what I see when I look at you and think of us. But my head is a crazy place where foolish thoughts come to play. Only the ones who love me should be around on late nights and early mornings.

I’ve seen enough things to truly know evil. I’ve experienced enough things to undoubtedly believe in good.

There’s something special about you. I’m only saying that cause I never want you to doubt it. Your heart is in the right place. It just sucks our heart isn’t in the same place. I think we both understand that.

I learned this year that sometimes good intentions don’t have the best results. That growing does come with pain, but you still value the growth anyways.

There’s not much that I truly care about and what I do care about I’m really clear about.

You’re on that list. Even if i can’t care the way I want to. Doesn’t change that I want you to be okay. That’s when you know it’s authentic.

If I can’t kiss you in the mornings and write you love poems. I guess I’ll just give you beautiful goodbyes. You are beautiful so you deserve beautiful. The concept of that is immaculate.

I like how you can laugh at yourself.

I like how you would call me when you needed help or felt anxious.

I like how music makes you feel. You always have it on. And you showed me a bunch of new artist. Sometimes that sucks because a song will come on and it makes me think of you, but I always end up smiling at the end.

I like how when you’re at a concert and surrounded by thousands of people you would think it was just you and the stage. That no one else exist. When I held you close you’d sing the lyrics.

I like how every weekend you say you’re never drinking again and then you end up drinking again.

I like the look you give with them dark brown eyes. It’s a look every man deserves to have in his life. A look the camera doesn’t do justice to.

I like how just like all my friends i have a bunch of pictures of you that you’ll probably never see. Just moments we shared. Moments I shared with them.

I like the way you want to be there for me even if you don’t think you can. I understand that and as the years go by it seems like we will drift away. That’s just what happens in situations like this. So I want you to know I like how it may take a little push or a talks to calm you down but you always make the most of every situation. It’s a battle but you don’t let them nervous thoughts get to you. Please always remember you are so much more than your fears and your doubts. I want you to take every chance you want. I like how much you love ice cream and French toast. I like that you can show me every single hike near by. I like when you smile for no reason. Or when you were annoyed with me but still managed to smirk while letting me know I fucked up. I like how you were honest with me. I like no matter what obnoxious nickname I gave you, it would stick and you would answer to it. I think if both of us would’ve stuck around any problem between us we would have the answer to it.

I like how I wasn’t scared of the future with you so I am down to plan trips in my head months in advance. Even if those views never come to be, for now I’ll keep them as hypothetical memories.

I like how passionate you got about certain rappers to the point I wouldn’t even bring them up in conversation cause I didn’t want to upset you. I like that you were always ready to rally for the party or next adventure. Like that one time when we were in line and the sun got the best of you but we…

Nevermind that is not important now. I’m supposed to find ways to let you go but i think about you even more.I could keep going on but there’s going to be a million things someone else is going to like about you.

If we miss out on each that doesn’t mean our target was off. Just means we have to adjust how we aim.

Love is a lot of things to a lot of people. Tonight it is like the ocean. When you are ready for it the water is everything you need. You never want to leave the view. The atmosphere is majestic.

If you are not ready for it. Those waves will surely drown you.

I wanted you by my side for high tide.

There is no malice or ill will. I could never have that in my heart towards you. My theory has not changed. Together we could be something special and possibly life changing but a part we will still be just fine.

Life doesn’t go as planned; it just always goes on.

Being a hopeless romantic can seem ignorant at times.

Being hopeless for one person can be stupidity.

Why do fools fall in love? Simply because it’s worth it.

I’m a fool.

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