Fake spirituality is just as dangerous as the devil. Hope you are just not running from the darkness but also trying to seek light.
Hard headed. Hard spirited. Hard energy shift against whatever I believe in. So very badly I wanted to believe in you. Instead you chose to believe in things that simply could not be true.
I had real guns to my temple. So where should I pray? Spirits in my head. I was numb when I was on that concrete but they came to me every night when I would lay. My mother’s only son I’m supposed to carry on the family name. I thought I was dead. Leaving nothing but regrets in my will. I learned from what was around me, drug dealers was my uncle Phil’s.
Passing life advice down from their man that’s doing life. Sometimes I don’t even care if I make it through these nights.
Minivan with no plates earning my stripes in the field. This how soccer moms feel. Can’t erase what I was, don’t want to forget who I am. Still I never want a time machine to go back to those days. I was ready to die for less than myself. You would of had a hard time convincing me to live for you.
Hotbox the spirits.
Burn sage until this home is a smokescreen, every house I’ve ever lived in is haunted by me. They say men never journal their thoughts. I let you in to all the pages of my diary. No hallmark cards blood stains marked these apartment walls. When they heat came like Summer you had to leave to survive the Fall. When that trunk was full of imperialism with the weight of King Kong. We always took the scenic route just hoping not to see rear view light and take the long way home.
I’ve heard enough wedding stories to show me things were temporary. I’ve been to enough funerals to know some love last forever. I’ve been ready to drown in my sunny days. Sometimes I want to sit and chit chat as I walk through the shadow of the valley of death.
You got somewhere to be?
I’ll break every clock that ever thought it could be a watch if you got time for me.
You got somewhere to go?
I hope your heart never has to take the long way home.
You deserved to be loved on the main streets. Not adored in dark alleys and forgotten dirt roads.
I hope you don’t have to die young and alone to find peace.
I’ve given the wrong people pieces of me because I knew it would help them survive another days.
I keep my blood thick and my water pure just in hope that the family will always be okay
I don’t have the answers.
I just know all of life is a long journey and every step you take you shouldn’t constantly question yourself. All that will lead to is tried soul and exhausted mind. All that will lead to is feet that don’t realize there’s more to all of this than just the destination.
Last year you laid the foundation for who you really want to be. Now it’s time to figure out how to build and grow from that.
I don’t want you to be another abandoned project.
I say everything I’m grateful for not because I’m satisfied where I’m at. More so I’m fully aware of what I came from. The things I use to hope for are a luxury for me now.
I just don’t want to let me down.
If I am alright, I know that I’m strong enough to make sure everyone else around me is alright.
Let’s not just grow out of need. Let’s grow because we enjoy learning.
Sometimes we are so protective of our peace that we forget to let others in.
I know you’ve been hurt before I’m not naive to that. I know you carry scars that are attached to painful memories. I know childhood trauma isn’t something that’s only special for me.
So why do we dare go against our better judgment and love again?
Why do we search for the light even if all we have known is the dark?
The bitter cold hurts your face. The ice may bring pain to your skin and bones. But the sun warms your soul. The sun touches a part of you that no evil can get to. A part of you that you often lock away to protect but light always finds a way to penetrate.
Our shadows scare us because they are long reminders of who we are.
So often we carry the weight of the lesson that came from our darkest times. So often we forget about the lessons we learn when we are being touched by light.
Life is just a game of hide and seek with our sins. I hope the Devil never finds you but if he ever comes for whatever form of light you have left; just remind him why you survived everything else.
I appreciate dying flowers preserved in books the same as I do bouquet of fresh ones. Some of us are given beautiful soil and bountiful water. Others are given a crack in the concrete, a seed and have to wait for the rain.
If you have a place among the trees where nature is abundant or a view from an apartment that the only hope is the concrete.
It’s all deeply lovely when it grows.