Yuletide

IT’S been one hell of a year and now they want you to sing. With no regards for the dark parts of your soul they want you to be light and spirit. Not a creature was stirring except for your demons. They are always there; persistent as ever.

Do you fight your demons or accept them?

If you fight a monster long enough you’ll realize that the only way to beat it is to become a monster yourself. In order to accept it you realize even more quickly that means you must accept that you are too a monster. The advice I would give is the same advice every other man with obvious and simple answers would give; heal.

Healing is similar to apologies.

Easier thought than said

Easier said than done

Healing survives way longer as a thought that is beautiful and idealistic then it does as a reality that can be harsh and at times excruciatingly lonely.

You could have command of every word ever created and still not be able to fully explain to someone the dynamics of your pain. The trauma that is hurting you and what you need in order to heal from it.

There’s a certain art to moving on.

The sad truth and a little secret we all know but don’t say out loud is a lot of the time we can’t communicate what we are going through because we don’t know what it is ourselves.

We know what happened to us but not what it did to us.

The scripture the comes as of result of what we’ve been through is not one we fully understand. We are just lost in these emotions that we are intensely self aware of.

When it’s not love and happiness or some synonym of the two it’s often very frightful. We are scared to be great because of what we are capable of. We are scared of others because what they are capable of doing to us.

You don’t know when or maybe you do but the holidays just don’t feel the same anymore.

Gifts will be purchased, traditions will be kept, food ate and movies watched. You will go through all the motions. You will avoid your true emotions.

You are not yourself this time a year. You see all these trees so beautiful and trimmed with care. All you want to do is climb to the top of it like a star and then abruptly jump from it.

Did you lose someone or did you lose yourself. Or even worse… is it a terrible combination of the two?

Everyday you try to think of new resolutions in order to control this chaos around you.

You hope to be who that smile portrays next year. You hope this next decade isn’t a parallel.

So often you fall short in your efforts and you become the chaos.

You become folded in your doubts and it seems everyone around you is so fucking merry.

The world wants you beautifully wrapped. They want you to be there.

They want you to be present.

Is your life driven by your past or your future?

You have a sense of adventure. Everyone calls it a gift

When in all actuality you want to go far. You want to go far away enough to forget who you are.

But in the end you will stay where you are. The Sun will rise again or the world will end. You will sit at that table in a house you wished was home.

‘Tis the season to be here for everyone else involved.

You have responsibilities.

You have family.

You have children.

You have all these expectations that started where your past experiences ended.

I can’t fight whatever your battle is for you but I can stand beside you.

Happy Holidays or whatever emotions you are currently feeling.

Season’s Greetings.

Coverart: Frankie Lane

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