Growth

Every time I walk past the river I think about throwing my phone in.

I don’t know what I would do after that besides trying to figure out life.

I don’t even know why I told you that…

All these thoughts I guess I’m just trying to sort them out.

I have plenty doubts about many things but never you. I hope that never changes. But I know for better or worse like generic wedding vows life changes us all.

I want to be romantic but I can’t lie and I know sometimes we get heartbroken by the truth.

I never want to be the reason you shatter.

I never want to see you leave pieces of yourself places where we use to lay.

I want to be your inner peace in a way like fresh out the dryer sheets.

You can accomplish more in a hour of honesty than you ever will with a life time of superficial conversations.

Stop talking about small things as if they are big problems. Don’t create the toxic environment because you are afraid of being okay.

It’s okay to be okay.

When things aren’t okay. Remember who you were before the pain. Remember who you were after the pain. Remember when you were pure. Remember when you felt soiled. Stop running from who you are. Don’t be ashamed. Your scars are nothing more than physical memories. Your body is my favorite movie.

I remember all the drugs I was on the night I met you.

Introductions based on vices.

Your words made me feel like a king and that night I wanted to be royalty.

I wish that we could forever grow together.

I deeply hate that we are growing apart.

Sometimes life just forces us to grow up.

Don’t replace me.

I just hope that you miss some of the moments when you’re alone.

I’ve never been one for grand goodbyes. I often disappear. I give closure just because I know it’s important to everyone else.

If I love you like the universe surely knows I do, I’ll see you again. That’s just the way life is. Or at least that’s the way it should be.

Temporary high and a short term fix

Trying to feel up off all these downers. Trying to take in everything around us.

Why didn’t I just throw my phone in the river. Would that have solved some of these problems.

It’s the summer time we want to constantly be around water. How come it feels like I’m the only one who sees everyone is drowning?

The way you are say my name is the soundtrack to my Summer romance.

Heart to hearts in the backyard. She just wanted to let me know she cares. She just wanted to let me know history and future don’t have to be the same thing.

We took shots and said I love you. It burned going down.

The words; not the liquor.

All this residue left on me I feel like a zebra. She swear she independent. The type to always say I want you but I will never need you.

Been thinking of illusions of my own death for hours.

Wondering if anyone else’s thoughts orbits the same planet as me. Beautiful souls that are in orbit in this dreadful galaxy.

Moving at higher then normal speeds. You think it’s lust, but it’s just your heartbeat. Thrust of affection I love how you crash into me.

While I’m still here please give me my flowers, because in this moment I’m so unsure of tomorrow.

These are seeds that grow in dark places.

The thing you admire about me most is that I know who you are. Everyone knows you are a light. The only difference is I know when I’m around the Sun to not treat it like a candle.

With all that being said it’s only right that that you spend the night.

I rearranged your spirits as I made love to your sins. Made inner peace with your demons as you stood in front of me in the position of prayer. You told me meet you half way; I’m just worried about getting you there.

There’s no directions where I’m going but when we were fucked up in my living room couch you said you would follow me anywhere.

The music we played mixed with the various sounds of your voice will always give me remnants of nirvana.

There’s those who want to feel this way as they read these lines. Then there is those who comprehend everything I say and feel the ghost of old bedroom pleasures in their spine.

Come stay the night, I want to write about how you make me feel in the morning.

Please don’t leave me like this. So broken and confused. Tell me I’ll learn to love again. At this point I don’t really care if you lie. Tell me what I want to hear because I need to hear it.

Tell me all your fears then I’ll tell you mine. I like talking about the dark parts of me to those I trust. That way it’s easier to show strangers my light.

I can’t give you everything. What do you need most from me in this moment?

I hate when your passive or dismissive. I hate when you don’t indulge in my addictions. I hate that we have to learn from our traumas instead of just processing the pain that was inflicted.

At least I love you though.

Why does the world always do this to us as if it doesn’t care what we are going through. As if it doesn’t care what we are growing through.

I wish that we could forever grow together.

I deeply hate that we are growing apart.

Sometimes life just forces us to grow up.

Don’t replace me.

I just hope that you miss some of the moments when you’re alone.

She said she was so in love with everything about me even though she was trying so hard to not be attached to me in anyway.

I know you have to leave I understand every aspect of it. So does it make me absolutely selfish that I want you to stay?

She just wants me around a little bit longer. She just wants my touch because it makes her feel protected. She very particular about who she wants attention from. Because often those who she craves their affection left her neglected.

To be honest I want to be different. Intentions aren’t always the action.

I want to let you go but I want to leave you complete.

I wish that we could forever grow together.

I deeply hate that we are growing apart.

Sometimes life just forces us to grow up.

Don’t replace me.

I just hope that you miss some of the moments when you’re alone.

Neither of us want to come too close because all of this might be too good to be true. Things this pure are usually bad for your health.

Why are we afraid to fly too high.

I didn’t read the side effects of what could happen if I overdose on you.

Nothing prescribed. I never want to die. When I’m not doing drugs is when people think I’m insane.

I’ve met the girl of my dreams probably 3 different times. The reality of it all is I fucked it up with them cause I can’t sleep at night. Or they live too far away and in the hood everyone plays basketball. So of course I never traveled. I got a passport because I learned the world was bigger after I took acid. I got two suitcases and a bunch of small baggies. But I feel like I always have to go through this shit alone because no one else should have to deal with my baggage.

How do you envision yourself in dark rooms with more doubts than securities?

What are the thoughts you have that keep to yourself?

When you walk pass the river what do you want to do with your phone?

She said I’ll be ready whenever death comes for me but tonight hold me in your arms like we are going to die of old age.

Honesty for an hour.

I’m not sure of much but in this moment I know I’m growing with you.

I know we will eventually grow apart.

I know this is not something I can have for always.

Right now I doubt nothing about you.

Even if that ever changes.

There’s a reason we came together to grow in this moment.

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