Questioning Love

What are you here for?

What are you afraid of?

I wish when you looked in the mirror. You saw what I see when you smile. But I know sometimes reflections can be our biggest fears. I know sometimes we are our own worse enemy.

I wish you loved yourself.

I wish instead of complaining you simply knew how to ask for help.

Can I talk to you for a second?

I know you won’t listen. Like I know you won’t truly listen, because that’s not what we do anymore.

We have all this technology, all these ways to contact one another, all these conversations, but no one really listens anymore.

We just wait for our turn to talk. But I want to talk to you differently.

No one truly communicates.

I want to listen to you tell me everything you’ve been through.

Stop destroying yourself in hopes that you can build someone else up. You are not being appreciated as soil and your tears are turning your own personal garden into mud.

You are not a ride or down.

You are not the one that made everything different.

You are a stroke of an ego.

The thing about ego strokes is they don’t care where they come from or who they come from. They are addicted to the feeling you bring them by needing them.

You deserve to be more than that. You don’t think you do. They don’t want you to think you do, but you do.

Sorry was that too honest?

I really am sorry if you came here for a love poem and looking for the one.

I truly am, but I need to be honest because I care more than I should.

You keep spending all these moments doing what’s better for someone else in hopes that they change enough that life is simply OKAY for you. Yes, love in every form is some type of work. But what are you truly working towards? Love doesn’t put you in a early grave.

Love is vibrant.

Love won’t have you looking foolish.

Love will make you come home during times of temptation.

Love doesn’t make you have to explain yourself to people you care about as to why you went back again. Imagine if you gave your all to a job over and over again and the results was unhappiness, less money, no room for promotion or growth. Now when you put that in terms of someone that is supposed to love you it’s even worse.

You keep excusing moments.

What you need to realize happy or sad moments are still time. Time adds up and those moments become forever. As far as I know we only have one lifetime of moments.

I shouldn’t have to say more than that but I will.

Was it love or just something you’ve grown accustom to?

There is no peace just brief moments when you weren’t at war.

They have no drive. So why the fuck are you so down to ride?

Just because someone kisses your bruises doesn’t mean you forget they are the ones who hurt you and caused the wounds in the first place.

They cause you to be your worse version of yourself and leave all the times you are down. When they are at their worse you run back to their side and lift them up every time.

You give loyalty and get no peace of mind.

How come no one you choose ever takes care of you?

They misplace your trust, misuse your spirit and take advantage of your body.

Yet you see the good in them they can’t even realize in themselves.

You keep pursuing love the same way and hope for different results.

Is that a strength or a weakness?

How come you want to fucking save everybody when you can’t even save yourself?

There’s so much power in that and you don’t even realize it.

You are trying to build a foundation when all they are doing it taking from your cup to temporarily fill theirs up. Their cup has a hole and will forever leak and you are drained.

You keep seeing someone you can save and will complete you. They have a hard time truly looking in the mirror because of this power dynamic and insecurities.

If no one can swim, that just means everyone drowns.

Oceans, pools, waterfalls, various bodies of water.

If no one can swim, that just means everyone drowns.

Y’all being mentally and physically abused and calling it love. I don’t care what you do with your life. That is your choice. I can’t support it. I won’t entertain it.

I wish you made some new mistakes.

Don’t you get sick of having the same ol’ regrets?

Im not perfect by any means. This isn’t me against you. I’ve been at fault at some point in all my relationships. I will be in the wrong again. But I know how to love and be loved.

I know the difference between “ I’m sorry” and a apology.

“I’m sorry” are just words.

An apology is changed behavior.

You keep giving love to someone who finds new ways to hurt you and never once have they just sat down and thought how could they help heal you.

Never once have they tried to reveal the real you.

How in the world can you expect them to be a part of your light if you can’t even tell them your deepest darkest secrets?

They don’t talk to the stars for you. They don’t pray for you. They don’t hope the universe saves you for them. Yet so easily you are willing to religiously believe in them.

You are trying to do everything just right and be perfect so you can be worth their love. When all the real value in love is being able to appreciate someone’s flaws.

Love. Is. Not. Fear.

I could tell you block that number and move on. You are trying to make a home with someone that’s just looking to rent a house.

I’m not a real estate agent. So I can’t tell you how to move. I can’t tell you how to build.

I’m not here to change your decision about anything. This is your life; you live it or waste it however you seem fit. It just happened to be Sunday and these imperfect thoughts just happened to creep into my mind.

You’re letting yourself down out of false hope that you can make angels out people who only multiply your demons. Getting rid of spirits in your life that overcast as shadows doesn’t mean you are afraid of the dark. It’s just means you care about yourself enough to only accept light.

So what are you afraid of?

That you’re not good enough or that no one else will ever love you?

Yeah I know all the key words of those with trauma and who are broken.

I know all those insufficient and insecure thoughts that trickle from the back of your brain and work their way down your spine until they are in the pit of your stomach.

You hate feeling like this.

I’ll reveal the magic trick. You have to learn to love yourself first. You have to be aware of what you are worth.

People will take you at a discount for as long as you allow them to.

The things that make you yourself shouldn’t come with a bargain.

I fully realize this is easier written than done. I know it’s easier said from the concerned voice of a friend then practiced in your everyday life.

Doesn’t make any of these words any less true. It just makes them harder to swallow. Someone like you should have an appetite for life.

Everyone seems to forget that you are allowed to take actions to better your life before you hit rock bottom.

Life continuously happens to us. While it is beautiful. It will humble you. It will cause you grief and turmoil all on its own. So why run towards pain?

Stop breaking your own heart.

I don’t want the song lyrics you sing that make you briefly feel empowered. I don’t want the quotes you post that give you control for the day. I don’t want the story you tell your friends about how this time it will be different.

I want something real.

I want decisions that will make people notice that the Sun is hitting you differently.

Don’t base who you are on what someone who you will never be good enough for wants.

You’re building your existence around someone who doesn’t even pray for you.

A person who doesn’t know who they really are at the end of the day shouldn’t be able to determine who you strive to be when you wake up in the morning.

Take that all in.

Someone who wants to be your ideal of love should look at stars and hope they guide you home. So why every time you are alone with them in their arms you feel so lost?

I’ll stop asking questions as soon as you honestly answer one.

You have to know the difference between a cycle and a ladder. You have to see what was meant to be demolition and what is the blueprint for what you want. You’re not in love you’re in a fucking toxic pattern.

The ones around you can’t want more for you than you want for yourself.

I have a few more questions. Some more semi important thoughts that may resonate with you after you read this.

What’s your ideal love?

Is the person you are most invested in giving you that?

Happily ever after is not built on false hope. It doesn’t have to be this way.

So why do you keep accepting it being this way?

I hope we all find love. I hope even more that we stop misdiagnosing abuse as love.

True love will always contain more answers than it does questions.

What’s real doesn’t have to be explained.

I love you.

When someone says that you should be able to whole heartedly believe them.

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