Who Are You?

I want to know your name.

Until then you be girl and I’ll be boy.

Even though we know all of this is much deeper than that.

And at this moment in time I think my life is on an upward bound for at least 40 more years. I think you are a beautiful lotus and all this potential is a ladder. I’m ready to climb as you bloom. If loving you is the death of me. I’m ready to meet my doom.

Is you really with me or what?

Tell Satan to put me on the Guestlist plus 5.

Is affection on the menu tonight?

You can’t sit at my table unless you’re down to sin.

This is a place those with an appetite for destruction come to feast.

Who going to be there when it all falls down?

Who is going to be there as your peddles wilt?

Maybe we can be there for one another.

That shits too real.

It takes much more time to fall in love than it does to fall out of it.

Or maybe it’s the other way around.

It takes more time to fall out of love than it does to fall in it.

Guess it all depends on the foundation of your heart.

I got so consumed with how things fall apart that I would get hit with the debris of high hopes as my expectations came crashing down. And to a degree that falls upon me. Gravity always reminds us how human we are at the most inopportune times. I don’t live in a world of fantasy. I know I may never touch your soul like your favorite day. But it’s fun to use my imagination to think about these beautiful and simple things.

I just want to know your name and other things about you.

Even though we know all of this is much deeper than that.

In terms of me there was a time before you but I hope there’s not a time after you.

In terms of the universe there was a time before you and there will be a time after you.

There was a time before me and there will be a time after me.

As of right now I hope currently I’m taking up space in your mind and real estate of your heart is owned by me.

Time

Universe

Space

Heart

All these things are infinite and yet we hope to control them as if they are territory’s.

As if it’s a buyers market and everything is up for lease.

Don’t speak if you’re going to break my heart. I rather think these horrible thoughts in silence because I already know loving you is going to leave a scar.

I enjoy the pain.

How do you pronounce your name?

I want you but I’m forgetting how you feel.

Emotions and touch.

I don’t know if I’m saying that to you or if someone else is saying that to me.

We have to speak our mind even if sometimes it feels like we’re saying too much.

Let’s go with both to play it safe.

Tell me I’m worth the risk.

Tell me I’m your favorites on my worst days because that’s when it’s most important.

I need to hear reassurance in your voice.

But only if you truly mean it. When it comes to these delicate emotions please don’t lie to me.

All of history is just the story of boy and girl.

You and I have a lot of history.

I’ll be boy and you be girl.

We should really try this time to remember each other’s names.

I know this is a road trip down memory lane but I don’t want the outcome to be the same.

We too far apart I need destinations to change.

Let’s have conversations that we know are much deeper than that…

We should really try to remember how we have hurt each other in the past and hope to never repeat these egregious acts again.

I was hoping to be more than just history.

I was hoping to be in the images of when you think about your future.

I was hoping to be more than just boy.

To me you are so much more than just girl.

What is hope anyways?

Just another concept to be destroyed as we go about our days.

As we live out our years…

I was just a phase to help keep you stay afloat in your misery parade.

Using humans as bandaids and as tall as I am the wound was still too big.

Sometimes I feel desperate about everything I’m trying to build and all these walls closing in.

I talk to myself because I’m afraid if I express it anybody else no one will ever understand.

I manage all the big overwhelming problems. It’s the the small things that will get to me. The particles of doubt that slip through the cracks of this armor I’ve built and leave me vulnerable.

If people don’t mean it I wish they wouldn’t say they would always be there. Cause when I make those mistakes I know they’ll leave me right here. I came from the canvas of the block. I’m just the clay of all I did to survive. I still have nightmares from when my mom shed tears.

Your hands never been ashy from a brick that’s how I know you ain’t built for this.

I feel all the pressure and even if it’s self designed by my own infliction. That doesn’t mean it simply goes away. No substances; my mental is my strange addiction.

Sometimes I sit in my car and I wonder what’s going to be the thing that leaves me broken. As thoughts of me are scattered across the minds of all those who sometimes think of me. How will they remember me?

I’m as crazy as I say I am. I’ve fallen in love with the concept of insanity. Then maybe you and the voices in my head will finally leave me alone. All my demons already have name tags. So pretty girl what do I call you? Are we still allowed to call beautiful things beautiful? I want you the hear the tone in my voice. When can I call you? This year I’m supposed to make my self a priority but I keep giving myself IOU’s. Then lAter on I hit the othEr vowels because I’m good with words. Sometimes I sit and wonder whY this life is cursed. Whisper sweet nothings to the universe about how I just want to let it be

Who is going to fall first?

Let’s make our feelings race. I’m overly concentrated like camp in the Summer cause I need a girl like you around. I wish we were younger cause these scenarios were simplified. I would just be a boy that you would want to know better.

You would just be a girl who the world had not yet tried to tame and figuring it all out.

But we both know that this all is much deeper than that.

I know you think my words are beautiful but the ideas attached to them terrify you.

I know long walks that could lead to commitment put all kinds of fear in you.

Your heart skips a beat like the high tide when the moonrise. I never was fascinated with things that glitter but you have a different glow. You are the perfect ray of sunshine.

So when everything is gloomy I want you around.

I don’t care if the fruit is forbidden. You the apple of my eye. I just like the pain life provides I swear I’m not depressed. The balance of my 20’s is pills on the counter and kisses on my neck.

I deserve all the complexities that come with the pursuit of happiness

When I make these mistakes will you just leave me here?

I told her I’ll never show the world who I really am. She said as a woman that’s something I really understand.

With a heart like yours, you could be anywhere right now. So I appreciate that you here with me.

With a soul like yours, you could be anywhere right now. The world is at your feet. So I appreciate you’ve traveled this far with me.

Because here in this moment is a place we can’t stay much longer. All these roads have been traveled and everything we lost doesn’t want to be found.

I cherish here but I crave what’s next. We’ve been through Hell and we’ve felt Heaven.

If we don’t grow we’ll never be more than our sins.

We’ll never be more than our failures.

We’ll never be more than our faults.

We’ll never be more than stars and candles we wished upon.

We’ll never be more than those moments of happiness we had in the past.

We’ll never just be more than shadows in search of light.

We’ll never be more than all these hypothetical scenarios we dreamt up in our head as we lay next to semi strangers and wonder is it real this time.?

We’ll never be more than our doubts.

If we don’t mature in what we do and how we handle it we’ll never be more than simply boy and girl.

I want to be more than that to you.

I want you to be more to me than that.

So first things first.

What’s your name?

I want to know who you are.

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