Streaming Thoughts. 8.17.15
I’m weird, so is everyone else. That’s why we create labels. I really like Saltine Crackers. Mac and cheese is one of my favorite foods. I’m not a fan of dessert, but love French Toast. Lion King is my favorite movie. I really like crushed ice (We could never afford a fridge with an ice machine growing up), romantic comedies and a bunch of other things that well let’s be honest, you feel we aren’t close enough to share with each other.
Lets not lie to each other. Which should be easy for you right now. You just have to read. I’m going to be honest with you as best that I can be.
It can be offsetting how much my demeanor changes once I start writing. Words just start flowing.
I’m rare. I’m aware my mind works like algorithm of pharaohs that were carved in allegories of caves.
I write different. I like the simple words, sometimes my thoughts just take me to another place.
It’s hard thinking about elevation when the world doesn’t want you to go beyond glass ceilings that are designed to look like graves.
My biggest fear in this life is failure or better yet not being successful because that just means I’m right back where I started and I feel I’ve come too far. To be another member of the departed. This journey needs to be a straight line, not a circle. I still remember vividly what these streets did to me.
I’ve had numerous people tell me I should be famous and that’s never something I’ve wanted. I want the riches and to multiply that into wealth but it seems to obtain one in the modern day you have to have the other. So do I seek something else?
I just don’t want to look back at my life or the ones I love most and see it as one big tragedy.
I’ve never been the smartest, most powerful or even the most talented person in any room I’ve been in. But I’ve always had this natural captivation about me where people wanted to talk to me. Where someone that is relatively a stranger yearns for me to listen. The feelings strange because more often than not I rather be lowkey in the corner dissecting how the room moves. So often I compromise and do both. It’s beneficial because I don’t have to talk about my own history in doing so. I save those scrolls for those initiated fully into my inner circle.
These may all be very unimportant things.
The little and unimportant things is what I cherish most. Lets you know how someone operates. It’s the things we forget that keep the world spinning.
I want people to read again. Not in a way like music where you listen to a beat, and repeat lyrics. I want the words to make you think. Every time you come across my words I’d like it to be like we are having a conversation. No matter the topic you can relate. You can feel it.
In order to accomplish these high rise thoughts and these lofty goals that go beyond elevator floors. I gotta open up. And that’s hard for me. It could be impossible. That’s usually something I do one person at a time. Eternal Sunshine of the darkened mind. Letting the world in is such a torture to me. And breaking my sanity is idea genocide. See it’s easy to control everything when you choose what goes out. If there is no middle man there is less room for miscommunication. Kingpins don’t often flood the market. And I don’t expect you to understand sometimes the voices in my head are so big with so many ideas and good intentions on how to make so many other humans great, I can’t even comprehend. I am also sure this happens to other’s more often then they tend to admit.
We live in a world that suffocates. We don’t tell people they,re great, and we shame them if they dare tell us they are great. The things we can’t control is what we judge most about one another. We don’t say I love you enough because it is more popular to hate. We raise our men to hate women and we raise our women to hate themselves. We fear telling others our dreams because they won’t praise us if we try but they will laugh if we fail. And maybe it’s illusions of Gatsby like grandeur to think I can change the atmosphere around here. Because the only outcome he reached was death.
All I can be is pure as possible with a good amount of vices and drink a lot of water. My only goal in life is to have a great view and be a decent human. This piece of writing like me as a person. Will never be complete.