Wasted Goodbyes

What happens when forever isn’t followed after hello?

How many times have you gave all your favorites in conversations hoping it would be the last time. Hoping that you go to sleep as someone’s dream and wake up as their favorite?

How many times have you wanted to never have to talk about superficial things again in hopes of gaining a meaningful connection?

You trying to grow and deal with trauma. This the fourth time this year someone has asked you “So what’s your favorite color?”

Don’t you want less regrets and a deeper connection?

Please don’t mind me. I’m just asking heavy hearted questions.

I’m asking heavy hearted questions to those with weighted souls.

Dare I mention that you doubt everyone’s intention.

Shared experiences. Everything goes according to a script those first couple months. Then when it comes time to actually be human…well…we all know how that story ends.

It’s back to surface level introductions all over again.

You want to share your life experiences with people who don’t want to go past asking about your day.

I like adventures

I like hiking

Looking for a gym buddy

Mountains or beach? How about both

I’ll say we met in the aisle at Whole Foods

I’m into really eclectic music. You ever heard of the Lumineers?

What the actual fuck, please tell me there’s something more than this somewhere out there.

You don’t know who’s there for you.

None of this real to you.

Separate or together?

Tonight or forever?

Lust or trust?

Why not both…

All you want to do is feel…

All you want to do is feel…

All you want to to do is feel how you felt when this all first started.

But we are so departed from that moment of time in our lives.

We both need something different.

I need to be different.

You need to be different.

Neither of us will change; so how can we expect something different?

All you want…

All you want…

All I want is what you want. We all seemingly want the same thing.

Be different; make your own decisions for once.

All you want is to fuck who you need without having to say “fuck what I need”.

Why can’t what feels the best to you also be what’s best for you?

I don’t know if I’m responsible enough to properly handle with care the best of you.

I don’t know if it’s fair to hand you the worse parts of me.

So I have to let you go with unfamiliar pleasantries before I ruin that thing that everyone wants.

Or even worse before you ruin me. I’m always late to my destiny as if fate is a justified form of truancy.

I know it’s confusing but part of you will be with me even if I ask you to leave.

There’s so much distinction from those who have the thought process of “why didn’t this workout?” vs “How can we make this workout?”

Both questions we never asked one another which is probably the main reason we aren’t with each other.

You’ve been laying next to me for too long. How am I supposed to sleep without you?

We’ve been holding hands all this time.

How am I supposed to walk without you?

I’m sick of all these revolving doors. I want to be on the same elevator as you.

I’ve always been a fan of beautiful rooftops and hotel balconies so big it feels like a scenic view. Not to be confused with building it all from the ground up and taking the long way home.

Sit in the driveway a little bit longer because you really love this song.

From a generation that’s quick to think it’s love but not actually take the time to fall in it. Full of pessimist who believe we are living in some version of Hell but have no optimism that there’s a Heaven that comes along with it. We are over being vulnerable because every time we open up the safe of emotions no one sees us as valuable. Hands around the throat but we don’t hold hands. We look at others as goals, but we ourselves don’t have plans. I’m just being honest. Use me all you want just don’t abuse me. I said I would follow you everywhere and anywhere. So why are you so content on losing me?

How long you suppose to wait for it?

How long you supposed to pray for it?

I just keep finding new creative ways to let you down and lose you.

You just keep reaching out to thin air hoping I give you something to hold onto

Picture me being the best version of me and you by my side. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I wonder what the caption would be.

I beg of you, please, stop trying to build up your self love around people that don’t really love you. You will surely crumble.

After that do me no favors and pay me no mind.

You are trying to prove you are wine to a person who has never even appreciated grapes. So now you just in a fruit fight everyday

What happens when,

…it was only temporary

…when you have doubts about the past but fear of the future

…they cheat on you

…they aren’t who they portrayed themselves to be

… they abuse you and no one else knows

…their addictions are bringing you down

…your addictions are going to kill you and you don’t want to bring them down too

….they are the safe choice and you know that’s not fair to them

… you said ” I do” because saying ” I’m not ready” would’ve came off as ” I can’t”

…they are everything you want but you made a promise to focus more on what you need

…you’re years deep but it’s not the same

…everyone expects you to be together forever

…you have to explain why it didn’t work out

…you have a kid together and now you share a love but it’s not for one another

…you hate yourself and nobody really knows what you are going through

…you were better before expectations complicated things

…the I love you’s come few and far between

…no one wants to admit you’ve fallen out of love

…you have a really honest moment with yourself that this really great human is not your soulmate

…you’re afraid to tell your friends it happened again because of the ” I told you so”

…you are afraid to be alone cause for it not to work again does that means the problem is you

…you are afraid to start over

…the feelings are different. I need something different. You need something different

…starting again is your biggest fear. When those people who don’t really care want all the information. We all feel as if we are running out of time. All these superficial things make us think we are behind everyone. What if in this life we have a finite amount of introductions and farewells? That your heart hurts because your spirit can’t take any more of these down trotting moments. You keep giving second chances. You keep getting vanished on out of nowhere. You’re insecure about so many things. Everytime someone is by your side either you go or they leave. You don’t want any falsified hope. You don’t want to waste any more goodbyes.

We’re all so sick of these wasted goodbyes.

Coverart: Nat

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