Thankful Year

I want to start this with all holidays that I celebrate are evil and based on some deep rooted form of capitalism. So I celebrate them for the reasons that make me happy and appreciative of what my values are.

Now that we got the wokeness out of the way it’s time for the lion to write like a wolf.

I started a new tradition a few years back for Thanksgiving and Christmas. At first it was accidental and then I decided to go after it with a purpose. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Christmas is special because I have moved very far from home and it’s the only time of year I get to be around the majority of my family. So Thanksgiving I am usually around friends who I have chosen as family and Christmas I am around family I was born with that I would choose as friends.

This how my little tradition operates. On Thanksgiving I text or call the 10 or so people who are most important to my life. On Christmas I decide the 10 or so humans who I value most in my life and I FaceTime them. Sometimes they contact me first on these days before I get to them. The list could be the exact same or change a couple people within that month. It could very drastically from one year to the next. I keep it fluid that way it’s always uncontaminated.

The list varies. It contains individuals I’ve known my whole life, those who I see every week and people I haven’t spoken to in months. It’s a great barometer of growth and this year I’ve grown more than any other year in my life.

I hope I can say that every year of my life. I hope every rotation of the Sun that sentence is true for me. “This year I’ve grown more than any other year in my life”

This energy is never complete it’s constantly evolving.

Some of the growth was forced and some of it was voluntarily. Some of the growth was for me and some of it was for others.

I think it is very egotistical and harmful when someone wants to portray that they are only progressing for themselves and they only need themselves. I think it heavily stunts your growth. I want to be a better overall human for me; yes, of course. But I want that in order to be a better son, brother, lover, friend, worker, student, writer . I want that to evolve so that I am a better father, partner, teacher, owner and everyone’s favorite writer. Growth for myself comes through with how I treat those around me.

We are all products of our environment. So I want the atmosphere to be nurturing in my nature.

All my biggest dreams aren’t things that will directly affect me. My vision will benefit a million eyes.

So if I need you don’t sleep on me or close your eyes now.

For Thanksgiving it’s simple I’m usually with someone else’s family so Text/call is more appropriate. Even if they are like family to me their privacy isn’t for everyone on my impromptu list to be a part of. I am a really private person so I make sure to try my best to not take advantage of others privacy.

For Christmas I do FaceTime because I am with my family. If you have ever met my family in any way. You know they are majority women and the most welcoming people in the world. I am very particular who I bring around them. So if I vouch they treat you as if we share a name. A lot of my close friends in my life got to view me on an upward bound. A lot of them only know me as the lion they don’t know me when I was J-Bird. When I was angry and I didn’t know how to harness that energy with anything but violence. I am grateful for my nightmares I have now because they use to be my reality.

I am grateful for my nightmares I have now because they were my reality in the past.

With certain people and opportunities I may never get a another shot and that’s okay. I am glad in life overall I got a second chance.

Trust me when I say where I am and where I thought I be at this point are not the same.

Journeys and destinations make up the view. Everyone is worried about the highlights that others post. I’ll bare it all and tell you my most valuable lessons I’ve gained from my lows.

Me personally I rather be in a place I hate with people I love than in paradise all alone. That’s just me personally.

So if ever given the choice of Heaven or Hell I guess it depends who is on the Guestlist.

I digress from making my bed and laying in it. It’s so much deeper than that. All my good and my bad I wear them in these streets like it’s a wardrobe. I built this house of extravagant misery brick by brick on corners where the hopeless came to find relief. And I interior decorate all the hallways in my life with nightmares that won’t fade and dreams I yet to achieve.

There goes the neighborhood as I do what it takes to create the greater good.

Ambition is in my veins and I can’t cut myself in hopes to reach my potential sooner.

I am not perfect and I’m not into going around appraising myself to others to prove that I’m worth it. All you have to do is genuinely talk to me and you’ll know what’s in my heart. There’s some holes but it still pumps blood. That’s an accomplishment to me. I don’t play hide and seek with who is important to me. I tell you who I am and you accept it or you let me go. I value thee embrace and appreciate the rejection. Both keep me humble.

Don’t hold on to your I love you’s as a form of protection. Don’t whisper your I miss you’s because you doubt you’ll hear it back. Fear stops so many of us when it should more so be motivation.

I want to grow and life will let me know when I need to grow.

I am a fan of everyone who is in my life. I want to be good enough to be a part of their life and I want them to be good enough to be a part of my life. A series of marvelous choices.

The end game is that I achieve all of the vision and I won’t have to call, text or FaceTime. We will all be at the same table.

I can’t be everyone’s happiness. I can’t save everyone. I can’t be all I want to be for everyone. Every apology I’ve given is much needed. No matter the level of forgiveness or end result. The people I touch I can impact in a positive way. I can create something to let whomever come across it know they are not wandering alone.

I write beautifully about the beast of my struggles and create utter romance in my fortunes.

The last person on my list this year is all of you who read. Those who for whatever multitude of reasons visit this place I am architecting every week. I cannot equate the value I am in your life but you are all truly important to me. You are an appreciated spirit in this universe. I’m glad you embrace me. And if ever you should have to let me go. I hope you leave whole and take some peace of me with you. I will always cherish these moments.

Thank you is two very simple words separately and combined. But when you know what’s behind them and how authentic it is. It’s one of the most complex concepts ever known.

We’ve grown a lot this year. We’ve grown the most we ever have this year.

I hope I can say that every year.

Thank You…

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