This Summer especially this past month it has been easy to find me. I’m where the music is Loud and the humans are beautiful. My destination has been ever changing but the ones who I care for always know where I’m at.
All these shared locations. All these pick up spots. All the places we meet. Oh the places we will go.
Dancing in the middle of semi abandoned streets but not talking much because my jaw keeps locking. I remember when I was around 12 and the feds came knocking. We lost it all in the day, but somehow I got it all back. That’s why I live this way. Because I lived through losing it all the hard way.
That’s why I live like this cause firsthand I witnessed when…
Never mind just know my vision was clear on what I seen with my eyes. Just know the reality of my truth ran deeper than the fantasy of any lies.
It’s not a race but I have to outrun my demons.When you truly want to deal with what’s wrong and be better it’s a marathon
When you broke you learn to bet on yourself.
When you’re broken you learn to ask for help.
I’ve been both.
And I’ve been whatever comes after that.
I don’t know about lights of end of the tunnel but I can tell you when you’re literally inside of a burning house it can feel like Hell. When you’re driving across state lines and the car flips three times your life does flash before your eyes. I can only tell you how death came for me. That’s why I never let people judge me for living. I can only tell you about the nights I spent alone under street lights my role models planning a drive by so I guess that’s why I rather fly.
You would never know it if I didn’t show it.
And I never show it. I spend hours of my day pretending to be heroic. I went skydiving but I can’t fly. But we all have found melodramatic beautiful ways to hide our pain. So no one really knows more than we feel safe to show. We don’t know who really wants to listen to what we have to say. We can’t allow this world to really see us naked and afraid. So we go to our closets everyday and we put on these clothes to hide our scars.
We put on these name brands in hope that no one really knows the struggle that comes with our name.
My mind was pushed to the edge now I take my body to the limit. The only difference of a gun in your face and skydiving out of a plane is the choice. Are you ready to die or not? The thrill is the same.
Our pain is not the same but sometimes my greatest gift is even when people’s smile is a little out of place I can see the tracks of where their tears use to fall.
You put on those emotional layers on but I can tell you’ve still been cold on those Winter nights.
We use to hope to just make it to the Summer. Hope that somebody wouldn’t pull up on us looking for Christmas early. Hope that we could make it to a body of water to wash away all the sins. Purify the soul. Hoping those long days would bring us closer to the nights. Now we need new hopes because the Fall is here
Now we need new hopes because the Fall is here.
I think about you when I’m sober. When I’m fucked up is when I miss you. I know I cross your mind once a day in a special way and I know one day it won’t be that way.
So when one day comes and one day goes. Just know well wishes is all you’ll ever get from me.
Rolling in peace cause the trip is always special to me.
I send love letters to the stars like we destined to be.
My iPhone sending pocket dials late night. I should be asleep. Apple a hopeless romantic just like me.
My vibe is different but I understand if that’s just not you.
I wouldn’t want to be you and you could never be me.
Creating keeps me alive. When I say that you may think I mean writing. I don’t, I mean creating memories with people I genuinely care about keeps me alive. Writing keeps me sane. My friends keep me breathing.
Deep breathes when I’m overwhelmed. Tall enough that I can get fresh air in a crowd of thousands.
When I’m alone I fall back on knowing that we will do this all again. We will be everything we want just give it time. And if we are running out of time just give it faith. I look in the crowd as I stand above it and I see all your dilated faces. I see the freedom music brings. I see what it feels like to be loved. I want to join in the moment. I never want to miss it. I want you to join me in these moments. Cause I know everything fades, but right now it’s all so vibrant in a artistic way.
I write to keep me sane, I’m great at it and I still will tell you I’m going insane. Pen, paper and padded rooms.
Create with me. I need the memories. I never want to forget you. When it all fades we will remember this.
All of it.
Life is Hard
Life is Rejection
Life is Depressing
Life is Lost
Life is Pain
Life is Regret
Life is Believing
Life is Overcoming
Life is Loving
Life is Continuing
Life is Learning
Life is Crying
Life is Forgiving
Life is Apologizing
Life is Up
Life is Down
Life is Friends
Life is Family
Life is Death
Life is Stars
Life is Water
Life is Doubt
Life is Memories
Life is Emotional
Life is Happy
Life is Complicating
Life is Beautiful