In the middle of a mosh pit. I calmly think as I look at chaos around me. “Everyone here is going to die” but today is a good day because we are doing something that makes us feel alive. I haven’t really slept in weeks and tonight that won’t change. Not next week either. But I don’t really care in this moment I feel great. I recall all the details of this beautiful blur. It’s really intricate to slowly watch everything fall apart. We can put it back together but good or bad it’s never the same. Finding pieces of my self in crowds as I think of words. Surrounded by people that make me believe everything will be just fine. I know there’s times when everything won’t be just fine. I embrace all the chaos around. If I can’t control it then all I can do is be at peace with it.
The sun fades into the abyss as the night is on the rise. The moon adds a tint to your face that lets me know beauty can still come naturally.
That’s just a prepossessing way of saying we’ve been at this all day. It’s time to take the journey back to where this all began. So tomorrow we can do it again.
I wish I could sleep in, but I did all of this to myself.
We are all sitting around a table hurling insults at one another. We have laughed for three hours straight.
We are all sitting at a table giving compliments to one another. We have smiled for three hours straight.
The bottles around us all use to filled with things that take away inhibitions.
We kept pouring
So now none of us have inhibitions.
I feel the love but not my face
These are words we shouldn’t say with substances we shouldn’t do.
But now we do what we want. On nights like this we don’t let proper judgment stop us.
I start to think about mortality and all the ways it affects our reality.
What we do if we knew we wouldn’t die?
What would we do if we knew we had more time?
We would have more nights like this.
Something unpredictable but it’s right because it’s all we need right now.
I’m passionate about who I spend my time with, because I think about time a lot.
Sometimes all the chaos is in the form of a mosh pit. And you may feel like you’re flying but the gravity is bringing you close to death.
That’s the risk we take to feel free. To feel like nothing can hold us back.
We test our invincibility.
We doubt our mortality.
We throw our bodies like gods at war
My mind is racing as I think of all the reasons I can’t sleep.
We’re all sitting at the table.
The only coherent thought I can manage comes in the form of a question.