We drove the McCarren loop at 5am listening to music. It was just something to do because we felt like we had nothing prove. There was no one else on the road but some of the lyrics stopped us in our tracks and it felt like we were in traffic. Sometimes the words shared between us got so heavy it felt as if we may never move again.
We put on our seat belts as if we weren’t ready to die. These are the songs you listened to when you thought about suicide. The moonlight being reflected off our face gave away every emotion so there was no need to lie.
Four way stop. I’m going to count to three then jump.
Or would you rather….
Lay with me in the middle of the intersection and just forget the world. Forget the constant commute.
Let’s take the road less traveled, I don’t want to think about traffic. Let’s get our mind off of the tragic. Forget that we live this constant life where we always have somewhere to be and something to do.
Turn the music way down let me tell you something I never revealed to anyone else before. I don’t know why I’m speaking to you like this. Just everything about this moment seems so pure.
Like the words spoken here won’t eventually be used against me. Like you and I could take this road forever and never be on empty.
I hope I remember this moment. I don’t want drive too fast or switch lanes too slow. Put my turn signal on, I want you to know beforehand where I want to go.
I usually lie right to people’s face. I always tell them I’m good because I don’t want to talk about myself but I’ve never been scared to listen. Your eyes are wide shut tell me more about your vision.
Once you run out of words crank the music up. Make the volume loud these are the songs that make us want to stay alive but also make us not afraid to crash.
I mean they remembered James Dean. So what do we have to fear? They loved Paul Walker when his life ended here.
She said we were moving too fast when I asked about her fears. But she loved the motion when I just showed I cared. Guess the just emotions of the women of my generation. They want you close but they never really want to let people in. They had a bad history, things they want to keep unsolved mysterious. I just try to understand. This is conversations for a parked car. But maybe that’s getting too deep.
Let’s drive more.
It’s 6:42 on the McCarran loop. The sun is starting to stretch over the pavement. All those people that don’t understand what we go through are just starting to touch these roads that we hold dear. The check engine light came on and I realized right then there’s no such thing as perfect. But I was content in this moment. I want to be deep in this moment. I want this moment in every position. Grab it by the throat and whisper in its ear it I love it. I want to send this moment random text on a Tuesday saying I’m thinking of it. I’m loyal to everything in this car. Life happens fast put your seatbelt on incase we crash.
It’s 7am on the McCarran loop. Everyone is awake now. All the lights are green but nobody moves. They’re all scared to crash. We learn to deal with it. They afraid to die because they always have somewhere to be. We live be because we have nothing to prove. Running late towards destiny.
Remember the songs.
I hope you enjoyed the ride.