Small Moments Of Clarity

I don’t think some of my friends support me enough…..

They aren’t obligated to.

I just view all of this more as a painting than a photograph.

I sincerely hope you understand the dynamics of that.

I’m a complex man with a lot of simple beliefs. I divulge all my lies and write my truths.

Some of these struggles I take with me everywhere I go. Some of these burdens follow me down every rabbit hole.

When the time comes everything for me will change.

When the clock is right all things involving us will be different.

Knowing all this would you still come with me? I’ll be honest I don’t always know where I’m about to go.

Sometimes I write to people I don’t even know if they are going to read. If these words reach you thanks for the small moments of clarity.

It’s been awhile since I really talked to you. I suppose it’s my fault that we are like this. All these disposable cameras around this place but I never pictured us like this.

I hope it’s all still developing.

I don’t understand fear and I hate giving up I guess that’s why I always text the same woman when I want to be humbled.

I ask you these simple questions because I’m looking for excuses to make sure you are alright in this jungle.

It’s all wild.

I learned the most from rock bottom. It made me know I had to reach a mountain top. That even if I go through my valleys alone. I don’t want to by myself at my peaks.

I had to believe in myself the way I believe in everybody else. I wish everybody else followed my advice.

I sincerely believe when it’s all said and done; everything will be alright.

It’s the only reason that I’m still alive. From afar it might seem like I’m not living right. Up close you’ll see the vision is nice.

I’m a fucking idea. So why would I care what you think of me?

Everything is just a thought if you’re trying to create your own reality.

I push those around me because I’ve seen the edge. You don’t know how great you can be until you reach it.

To this generation attention is currency and I rather be broke cause I like to keep to myself. Spent all my teen years getting fast money. Now I’m worried about wealth. I close my eyes and still see those dead bodies I’m focused on mental health.

I got a business plan I just finished. So that’s a start.

I can’t worry about leaving people behind. So that’s where it ends.

As I sip from this mimosa no one in this room full of people I care about know what I did with my hands. Can they understand how you kept on pocket empty and one fist closed? I wanted to be more than what I was. I don’t think I ever want them to know that side of me. I couldn’t afford to be a customer. It could cost you your life. I didn’t want to fall victim. When you can no longer pray you just start to prey. There is no rest for the wicked there was times where I felt like I hadn’t slept in 100 days. I didn’t even cry I was numb to the pain.

I can give you the pictures but with these words I prefer to paint.

I always have a lot on my mind, but everyday there’s a few things that remind me of you.

Wish I could send you text of these thoughts I’m having but that’s not how these secrets work. That’s not how space is defined.

I don’t even know if I’m allowed to say these things. Sometimes I really hate that I feel this way.

You know when you know exactly what you want but unsure of the outcome. The feeling that you are always constantly striving to figure life out. No one has it together. We are all in this together.

My best advice has come from my worst lessons. Words of wisdom I gave to myself on my bad days. Things I wish I knew then, that I live in now.

The kid that use to sell out of the back of Kroger. I just want to make him proud.

I don’t need somebody. I wanted you.

Sometimes I need somebody and I realize it won’t be you.

I wish had these words when it came to you, but I only know how to formulate them now because of what we went through.

It’s a double edged sword that’s what the City told me.

I just want these streets to be successful because I believe in the way that they were paved. I want to hear them talk over beats. I had fantasies of what we could do when it was only street lights from Eastside that would shine on me. We wasting time letting our thoughts think we are buried alive so we forget to breathe but what’s going to happen when we actually reach that grave.? That’s why I need Troy to be Treazy even on his worse days. Cause I ain’t talking about cash when I say I want to invest in Banks. Checking up could Save lives on any account. And if ever the art isn’t pure we’ll just shred it to pieces. But why give up before we even give ourselves a chance? Is this about them or us? Eddie thinking about starting a clothing brand. I’ll give the shirt off my back. When you lived like me you realize everybody’s cloth is different very few who are cut like me. Blueprint from the ghetto mind. Razor blades under the tongue. My idea of high fashion is wearing my heart on my sleeve. You want to walk in my shoes? What would you say if the cops was talking to you? I didn’t have model behavior. I didn’t want to be runaway. So I told my mom I was moving out at 14.

She let me go; she let me come back.

Now where I came from mentally I’ll never go back. I still visit those streets whenever physically I go back. I know where are the holes are like a hall of fame running back. Sometimes I try to hide it because I don’t want them to look at me different. I got this darkness in me that most days can go unseen. Then I remember you can only view me if you’ve seen what I witnessed.

Only reason I believe in monsters is because I know what I’m capable of.

Only reason I’m confident people can change is because I know how much I’ve grown.

I can’t control what you believe or what you are confident in.

There’s magic in the way you move.

There’s stars in your blood.

This I know.

There should be more balance in what we do.

I do not know what I will lose

I do not know what I will gain

I know what I don’t want to lose

I know what I do want to gain

I know I am the only constant in all of it

Everyone around you should give you small moments of clarity

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