Messages from the City

Realizing it was your fault was great, but you can’t fix all your mistakes. You can grow with each experience in hopes to be better. In hopes that next there will truly be a better understanding. Sometimes the most brief thing can have immense impact on your outcome. No one owes you shit.

-Don’t feel attacked these are just my thoughts. I was talking to myself.

Waking up to love songs like this is a scene from your favorite movie.

I’m long overdue for a nervous breakdown. I’m long overdue for sending a text to you asking questions that get no reply. I’m long overdue to let you go but no matter how beautiful it is, I still hate the goodbyes. I am trying but sometimes I set my own bar too high. I’m reminded of you by less and less things these days. You floating through my subconscious like you have your own parade. I’m going crazy but I hope thoughts of you in my mind don’t slip away.

I want to be inside You while I’m still doing Me. Afterwards I want to lay beside you because I believe in We. You on the other side of town but I would cross oceans just to swim in your sea. I just want my ex girl to really be my next girl, cause everybody knows that’s the girl I wish I was fucking right now.

The City told me send the text.

Instead I just wrote it down.

You too kind to do anybody wrong. You just do what’s right for you.

I’m already thinking about next Summer. That just means I’m working like Winter is already here. Does that mean I need to be colder every time I come with the heat?

I got sick of chasing you so now I drink my liquor straight. Lifted to the point that now I can’t feel my face.

I went toe to toe with all the monsters that came without invitation. Now it’s time to fight all the demons that I created. The memory is blurry but I hold onto the feelings I had on the nights that we were faded. The journey is far but I can’t wait to say that we made it.

Thinking that can happen I must be faded.

I must be lifted.

It’s been a long time since I had the universe in my system.

Young, black and gifted; that puts me on America’s hit list.

Being alive was on my wish list.

I guess dreams do come true. When the chemistry is right; fantasies unfold.

Lately everybody read my shit but I get left on read. The tragedy of this literature is spiritual. The City says send the text like I’m the Teflon kid. Everybody seen this movie so they know how it ends. They expect the lion to be king but they ain’t know Simba would grow like this. I move different now cause I fixed my own compass. Emails from Shea got me too focused. When it comes to romance I’m more towards hopeless. What direction we going in?

Speaking with honesty majority of the fault fell upon me. So asking for another chance can’t be on my list of demands.

Time moves on it can never be held hostage.

So how am I a prisoner of the moment?

Only for a moment then the moments gone

Hanging on by a thread like look at this high fashion.

I never want to die but I can admit sometimes living is hard.

People don’t care about your pain if it doesn’t come with scars.

The City believes in us so we gotta work it out. The City told me send a text. Tonight I just decided to write it down.

Why you holding on when the other set of hands is letting go? Because in your eyes I realize youre the one for me. The distance to forever seems closer when you’re next to me.

I look at you and want you to be the one for me. When I stare off in the distance I see glimpses of you in everything.

Broken but hopeful.

I’m not talking about love I’m just talking about myself in general.

Pictures should be taken then there’s captions I want to write about you. You are my centerfold.

The City told me to send the text because the streets believe in us.

I don’t buy into last ditch efforts. I only believe in self improvement on the path to forever. You no longer care if others grass is greener when you realize you have the potential to make forest grow.

I should be training in the hills of Eldorado. Is this what happiness feels like? How the fuck should I know.

I release something every Sunday those who care really know. I’d write you everyday for a year. Just tell me what you want and this Notebook would have no fear.

Severed ties, hypnotized by the potential that I see in things.

There are women that hear my name and it does things to them. That’s because nobody does things to them like I did things to them.

The most important thing I want to do to you is change your last name.

Keep breaking down the painful things about me until I’m just a beautiful memory. If it falls down and your mind feels like it’s crumbling to an abyss tell me all the awful things. Cause at my best I’m a person that can help someone through anything.

At my best….

I’ve survived my worst…

Give me your pain. I’ll show you substance.

Give me your heart and I’ll make art.

You got trust issues but I keep secrets really well.

I could get majestically poetic with all my lush full confessions about how sometimes I’m still not sure what I believe in but I’ll talk to the gods of every religion. I’ll travel to Olympus and talk at their temples saying if love has healing powers you gave me all the symptoms.

I want it to be real; so I rather it be simple. Come and see me for once or even better a few times. Spend the afternoon on my chest with laughter telling me things that make you smile.

I don’t know if it means anything anymore but I would write you everyday for a year.

The City told me send the text, because the streets believe in us.

Tonight I wrote it down.

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