Post card

And by the end of this year I want to be everyone’s favorite writer… I guess I’ll start right here….

I’m from the Eastside, Eastside

It’s time to put the kids to bed.

I only said that to let you know to let you know it’s time to let go of childhood fears. I’m just trying to love a good woman and walk through this world as a man. Leave your conscious at the door. This is stirring up the pot when it’s boiling with bad shit. Mixing elements with no motive like moving cars with no gear. If you really wanted someone dead. You would just send a post card from my block saying “Wishing You Were Here”

I’m from a…

I’m from a part of town that never heard of the therapist. Empathy was the rarest shit. Everyone drowns because in the community pool they never taught you how to swim. Public school education was based off the color of your skin. My metaphors are dangerous. My nightmarish visions is contagious. Lately all I think about is you, cardio and commas. They worried about jewels. I’m just dropping gems while I’m dripped out in Karma.

I hope I find a dream. But the most deathes in the city happened on the boulevard named after Martin Luther King. Mothers trying to raise boys to men that ain’t dealt with their own shit. I guess I’m just appreciative that after her own miscarriage my mother tried again and thought I was worth it. She was always saint in a room darkness

I never thought it would be like this.

Mirrored lens; I never thought you’d see me like this.

Reflecting on the shattered glass of my own reflection. All these common misconceptions because of what I use to be I don’t feel I deserve these blessings. When it comes to love I can deliver the message but when it comes to you I’m still trying to learn these lessons.

Pretty girls who are always down for the high. They so pure with the grime the remind us not to be lowlifes why we chase this thrill. Everybody knows I’m crazy. I just like how insanity feels. I write something everyday just so I don’t pass away, but if I do die just know I ran a beautiful race. And I live forever just know it’s because I created this thing. I’ll tell you all of my fantasies. It’s easy to not have the same vision as me. But what if all the crazy things I predict about this pen really comes to be. I’ll send you a postcard saying. “ I wish back then you believed”

I’m from the…

I’m from the part of town where we treat abandoned houses like homes. It wasn’t a college party when you said you took shots to the dome. Where you choose your block wisely because we only look after our own.

I don’t watch thrones. I came to pull the sword from the stone. I don’t put much faith in humans but I got to have a guardian angel cause there’s no way I did all this shit on my own

I’m doing better, but please remind what day of the week it is. Im improving but I need to remind my sister what my voice sound like. I stopped being around women that I only wanted to see late at night. I keep your number saved even though when I send that text to check up on you, I know I won’t get a reply. But I’ve always been great with talking to myself and not hiding what’s on my mind. I’m nowhere close to perfect just thankful to all the women in my life that I care for. The ones that stuck by my side is why I care more. I cut off everything I ain’t left my house in weeks. I put art on my walls. So I control what I see. I need to find best way to say “ I’m usually quick to let it go, but I’m holding on cause I think we could truly be something special” I can’t let my pride get in the way. Gotta find a way to say “ I think we would be the best thing to never happen, and to really lose you in my life I would be afraid” but I don’t think that’s how the world works nowadays. I just want to take you SüP. I see stars in the universe of your body so it probably be easier to just give you the Moon. Send you flowers and a postcard that’s says “I want take you to the Museum of Ice Cream in San Francisco that’s been on my mind for months, but I’ll settle for French toast and mimosas at brunch.”

I have to be sincere and conscious while I speak from this platform but if it gets any bigger I’m sure they’ll want to hang me from it. Like my Pop-Pop use to tell me about in south when he walked past the killing trees. My shade comes in different tones like dirty water and unsweetened ice tea. Words tell the truth so I understand if you are scared to read. I find power in trying to understand my enemies. I don’t even have what I want yet and I’m already scared it will leave. All I got most nights is this fear of failure that leads to a midnight energy. If I don’t acknowledge you are not friend to me. Move like my equals disappear on the daily basis. It makes me wonder when dreamers read my shit can they hear my hunger? The growls sound like thunder. I write like this is my first brick.

I’m from the…

I’m from the city when Christmas comes there’s no gifts under the tree and you weren’t even robbed. Using socks as gloves, sisters dad is in jail and mama working three jobs. Under streetlights when the darkness comes that where the wild things are. Never got empathy in our heart, a bunch a SADvages. Thoughts is radical. I had to become overly logical cause the world around me wasn’t safe when I was being irrational. It’s not hypothetical. In the depths of my mind I know everything I did to survive. I lived a life with nothing. They told me money is evil and I want to be the bad guy. On E. Livingston Ave I could’ve died the hero. Now I want to live long enough to become wealthy and the villain.

The school, the jobs, the social events. They treat society like a zoo and then wonder why I avoid all these interactions because I came from the jungle. I need my freedom and room to create. I go outside looking for heaven. Y’all keep knocking at the devils door then act surprised when he let you in. Flames look good from afar. I came to Reno a place so close to Hell you can literally see the Sparks. I was street rat with no genie. I didn’t have time to be afraid of Jafar. No good deed goes unpunished but with the sins you can’t win. Expect less, do more. Next year I’ll plan my own surprise party. Control the narrative so no one can let me down again.

Imagine still practicing gang signs incase you have to go back to your criminal mind. Time and bullets only move forward but bodies can’t rewind. Send a postcard saying “There use to be a Blockbuster here. Now there’s only Netflix for the Chemical imbalance when we trying to find Romance”

I’m not okay, I promise. Welcome to the black parade.

A black boy walk with his hood up and he may die tonight. A white man put his hood on and a black boy will die tonight.

They try to tell me fight my demons and I’m feeling like that’s domestic violence. Because they the love of my life. I go to sleep with them and wake up next to them. Writing these thoughts in my iPhone notes before bed like I’m sending good night text to them.

My homie said maybe I should dumb it down. This is the part of the program where I ask you to smarten up…

Self aware I’m trying to Thomas Edison my mind. I don’t know who to call. Like I’m trying Alexander Graham Bell your line. I’m playing selfish with these dark thoughts like back off all these flaws are mine. My forefathers and my real father all had one thing in common they didn’t give a fuck about my version of the American Dream. No male role models so I’ll never let another man son me. Throw all the shade you want I’ll forever be light. That’s means I’ll Sun you. I’m trapped by the thought that maybe one day I’ll be free. I’m in my prime trying to find liberty in my peak. This is a buffet of souls and I came to eat. These thoughts come to me in a soft tone as if I never learned to scream. Mom getting beat her form of protection was telling me act like I’m sleep. I won’t say names but I remember I was drinking kool aid when the feds did a sweep. They was looking for the gas we had to act like we was on E. What’s in my mental pockets now is nothing compared to my old genes. It feels like a new strand of DNA when I wear my heart on my sleeve. There’s no audience anymore my thespian days behind me. Until the world becomes a stage again. You don’t understand what it took to make everything in this life look like a win. Everyone wants to be sculpted from the clay I was formed from muddy water. Every time you think you safe on the water this shit turns to Pearl Harbor. You always on the front lines of war when you battling yourself. You trying to find inner peace in your own mental health. You putting on mask cause you don’t know how to ask for help. You feel they only see your bad days like Elf on a Shelf.

The tyranny of it all.

Everything I brought close was my downfall. And when it falls down it always seems I’m the one to call. Assassins Creed behind the scenes I killed it all. I check on people cause if I lose anyone else I’ll be lost too. And now I just sit and wonder if I water it down does that mean I have to drown.?

Cause pay close attention.

I’ll send you a postcard from a bunch lost souls so you can speak to the dead and it says “On the Eastside in the community pools they never taught us how to swim.”

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