How many times of day do you fall in love? For me the love affair started at 9:15 and E. After that I just worked my way around the clock. Fascinating what can happen once you realize anything can happen.
Everything is always happening. Doesn’t matter if you want it to or not. That’s the conflict of being human.I already know I’m crazy. Living life everyday is just a friendly reminder. Aug 26th I started to view time in a different way. I entrusted my vision with a looking glass and followed the white rabbit down the hole. I ended up at Black Rock City. A place where everyone is Alice and they create their own wonderland.
When it comes to the playa we are all lunatics here and this desert is our asylum. 2015 was my first year at Burning Man the elements were my biggest threat. Everyone said it was the worse dust storms they had ever seen. The nights were frigid cold and the days were magnitudes of hot. But we were naive.
So stupidly happy.
All we knew was this feeling of freedom we had never experienced before. All we knew was this organic energy that was all around us. A seed was planted and a fire started to grow and burn. And the flames are absolutely beautiful if you don’t let them destroy you.
So 2016 I traveled back to the freedom of Burning Man like a North Star that is only in the sky one time a year. There were new faces and old faces. All that means out here is strangers that will become lifelong friends and friends that will become family. It felt good being on the other side.
This year we camped in a different setting. We joined Martini Village. Gratitude to all them from us for making home feel like home. It truly takes a village. What was all new and exciting to us was like a organized family reunion to them. They adopted us like beautiful step children. They said good morning when the sun hit our faces and some even stayed up with us as our bodies and mind refused to say goodnight.
I never sleep at Burning Man, don’t eat much either. Unless Mama Wagner, Bre or Kaitlyn would yell at me to put something in my system.
The universe was in my system.
I was too busy trying too touch everything. Too fascinated by what we can create. All these things that are envisioned for months then gracefully destroyed in a day. Or packed away in a storage because eyes of the non initiated and uninformed couldn’t handle art cars and pieces of art making their downtown look like a work of fiction.
I get caught up in the architecture of art. Beauty is operated on the gears of madness.
Beauty Is Operated On The Gears Of Madness
9 days going to sleep on a air mattress. 9 days waking up in a tent. If that was Hell to my body, who and what I woke up to was Heaven. Distrikt blaring music in the background and food for thought as breakfast. If you’re doing this human thing right you’re always pushing your limits and your always concerned about what’s next. Humans have constructed a world that you always have to worry about something. A society that you will always be inadequate in one way or another. News that only shows the meek being used as instruments for despair. But in Black Rock City the buildings are different. There are no skyscrapers that hold responsibilities and deadlines. No homes where you will be judged for being you. There’s just art and all art knows how to do is be appreciated. There’s just music all around and all music knows how to do is make you feel. The theme of Burning Man is different every year. This year was Da Vincis Workshop and the city was alive with hands molding the thoughts conceived by the mind. There’s the first day when you arrive and the last day when you breakdown camp and leave. Everything else is a beautiful blur that you make into a masterpiece. Everyone you encounter is a Mona Lisa or a Vitruvian Man. This year we took on the city like it was made for us. As if every step we took our footprints would last in that alkaline dust for eternity. Sins didn’t exist and when everyone’s crazy who’s there to tell you you’re insane? Even more beautiful to think about; when everyone is happy who is there to remind you of what sadness is?
I only knew what I was feeling at the moment and at the moment all I knew is I was on the edge of everything and I didn’t want to jump. I wanted to fly.
The night before I left for BM I had a drinks with all of my old fraternity buddies. I was having a drunken conversation with one of them and he was telling me he had recently went through a bad time with depression. Like not wanting to wake up in the morning thoughts.
We cared that the other was still alive.
And I wished he among many others were on the playa with me. Because everyday we did those things.
We cared that the other was still alive.
There I wanted to fly when I was on the edge. The view was so beautiful I wanted to be closer to it all. In the “default” world everyday isn’t golden. You take a leap of faith knowing you can’t fly, you just hope your parachute opens. If I know you, like really know you. I love you. If I don’t know you. Just know I at least care for you. If you think no one cares this flawed man who is trying to get better everyday genuinely cares for you.
No one gets lost in their thoughts more than me. I daze off in crowded environments. I think about all my regrets, I think about all my accomplishments, I think about everything I am good or bad. There were numerous times this week Jeff had to bring me back to reality. It’s very easy to become a fragment of inception at Burning Man. I love doing anything with Jeff because we always have a good time. No matter the scenario we are leaving with a story to tell our kids(if we remember). He fits the definition of a best friend.
We’ve grownup together from 18. Jeff is with Bre. I FUCKING love Bre. Like in the way I genuinely hope that the universe never lets her down. She works for BM which means she has to work during BM. And she never let it stop her, it gets to her sometimes. But it never stopped her. I’m glad they figured it out. They are both borderline spastic but them being in my life makes it better. I like what he provides for her and what she provides for him. And they provide a friendship to my life. Bre’s parents are Matt and Michelle. They will always look out for you. And what more can you ask from your friends parents but to look out for you as if they adopted you? Matt is the type of dad you don’t mind having a beer with even if you don’t really like beer. And Mama Wagner will run over to the bar to help you bartend when you’re alone, need help and tripping all over yourself. I saw Brooke and Jo we laughed. I was on another level but we laughed, we smiled. I’m glad Dalgo is here, nothing can curve his excitement. He has a desire to do everything to the fullest. Dalgo was next to Jeff who came with Izzy. Izzy is currently yelling at strangers to come take a shot. I think Izzy is a amazing person and Jeff makes her happy. To make amazing people happy I’ve found you have to be a good person. So I like Jeff and his big furry coat. Ray arrived on Wednesday but who keeps tracks of days. Im not keeping tracks of days until I get back to Reno, because on specific days certain bills need to be paid. Once I get back to Reno. Once I get back to reality. But I remember Ray, Rachel, and Dylan got there on Wednesday. A new energy came with them. Corey and I always have the best conversations. Corey and Helene came from Colorado and on the way picked up Mariah. Travis and Casey as always the bad influence you need. Travis is connected to Rachel who brought Nicole and Nicole watched the sunrise with Sam. Sam’s mom always goes on rants and it makes me smile. She’s a good women and his dad is a man of the sea. Sam knew none of us beforehand but you would’ve thought he’d known us for years. He’s going on a musical tour and I wish him success. There was a lot of Ryan’s and one Bryan, I like them all. Annie is with Ryan. Ryan is always running off to dance or climb something. But he always makes his way back to Annie just in time. Annie has a small bladder so I always know where to find her. I’m always just randomly standing in the middle of the camp looking at stars and she seems to always know what to say. Ryan is with Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn is accidentally the funniest person I’ve met this week. I instantly clicked with them and we’ve made a lifetime a memories in these few days. If we met a stranger they would think we known each other for years. I think we will know each other for years. Our paths crossed for a reason. If you’re looking for Mcracken she’s in Ryan’s chair. And if Kaitlyn looking for Ryan he is probably with Nick or Jordan. I don’t think I’ve ever said no to Nick and Jordan has never lied to me. Good thing neither of them have ever led me wrong. I spent the early afternoon with Spencer and Lucas.
The universe is in my system.
My chemistry is changing.
All I did was sit around and look at clouds.
I was content in that.
My evening and nights consisted of Doc and legendary lollipop shots.
I was content with that.
My hand was the canvas for the imagination of a little girl.
Da Vincis workshop in the modern era
Just some glitter makers and she made a masterpiece out of me. I miss the kids. I’m convinced kids have it all figured out. Before we tell them how things a supposed to be. Farmer John and Amiee are still here though. They listen to my advice when everyone else is moving too fast and make me smile.
Where are you at the clock?
Do you remember that time when we were free?
What time was it when you fell in love with all of this?
We walked around looked at art and we cared about nothing. We knew everyone around us was happy. I appreciate that moment. But it’s not realistic to hold on to that. So I thank you all for being apart of that moment and I thank even more of you for helping me remember it right now.
We made a kingdom out nothing but our minds. With enough time it could’ve grown into an empire. Empires always come crashing down. Black man in the desert feeling godly dressed like a Pharaoh. I’m not a king yet. So I guess that makes me the Prince of Egypt. Dry ice there’s no river here Want to know my story just stare at my pupils. They’ll tell you everything like an autobiography. Right now we just all sitting in a circle under a shade structure falling in love multiple times a day but knowing this can’t last. Unlocking the clouds 10 seconds at a time. Knowing after a shower and food we are going to want all this back.
It’s a weird feeling being in the middle of something and already missing it. Being surrounded by all the people you want to share this with but still thinking of all the other you wish were here also. Burning Man is just chasing the high of being human. Being as much of yourself as you allow yourself to be. The playa doesn’t care about your secrets that you feel forced to keep once you make it back to concrete streets. I like that you are all so weird don’t let the world trick you into being normal. But we live in a world of gravity and a universe of balance. That’s why I try to remember never get too high and never get too low. Dust storms will always come, but we thrive in the wind.
I went to Temple and I wrote the names of the people I lost both living and dead. I don’t want to lose anyone else. As always I’m faded but I don’t want to see you fade. Come closer, come find me. And I hope you find peace. I hope you become art and I hope fire doesn’t destroy you. I hope everyone finds peace while they are breathing because we always give the best flowers to the dead and all the living are some form of wicked so the never rest easy.
These are just thoughts I have as I sit on top of the Martini Village bar. The sunset as my visual wondering why the sky can’t always be this way. I hear all the elders of the village below me. Talking about all the years they’ve been here. How this is one of the best. People are coming up the ladder to join me. And I understand the reasons, but I wonder why can’t life always be this way? I’m a flawed man. I always will be. The only difference from me and most is I’m okay with that and I’m good at writing about it. I never want to be perfect, I just want to be better. Even as a flawed man I have a talent of surrounding myself with the best people. Other flawed humans who appreciate the art and revel in the journey. So for that I thank you. You ask me how was Burning Man and I will tell you “The playa provides. It’s the most amazing place on earth. And I can’t even begin to tell you why” but I will show you pictures that do it little justice and I will tell you stories that I was there for and still don’t fully believe.
or this amazing time lapse
As I sit here with the last resemblance of glitter nail polish on my fingertips given to me by a stranger in a wedding dress and thoughts of all my responsibilities start creeping back to the front of my mind. This life I created must be maintained. As I’m writing this I know I’m slowly losing that feeling. As you read this, you’re slowly losing grip of that feeling. That feeling when a group of us put our bikes down. Laid next to the pyramids under the stars and as we waited for the sun to rise all on the same wavelength thinking “This can’t all be by accident”. You didn’t have to be there to understand this. When it comes to life in Black Rock City or in any city around the world. Remember this you beautiful soul. It may take awhile but lights will always guide you home.