These aren’t my views.
These aren’t my words.
These are thoughts coming from a perspective other than my own.
These are the pARTiculars of destruction
This life is a book and it is very vital to know when to turn pages. To know when a new chapter is starting. Who is the author? Who is the reader? It’s never too late to change its never too early to realize that change is needed. Scribe different chapters and strive to obtain new things. Edited by me, I am going to share with you the words of Sunny Mok. I promised to give you honesty and he is helping me keep that promise as if it was a blood oath. This is both raw and true. He is coming into my element and I am sharing my world with you. Let’s all appreciate the view.
Somewhere along the way of growing up I got used to blaming everything on everyone else. My coming of age in my early twenties is learning to accept the responsibility for who I am and the actions I do. It’s something I should have done a long time ago. I see a lot of my peers blame other people for their problems. And it’s easy.
That’s why we do it.
I blamed my parents for trying to make me their version of a perfect child. It deterred me from going to school. I joined the Guard to spite my parents, just because they disapproved of it. I should have stepped up to the plate.
Joining the Guard definitely didn’t help either. It became easy for me to blame the environment around me, making me bitter and angry towards the friends and family in my life.
I took out my frustrations and personal problems on them, alienating the people who cared about me most.
It’s just not worth it.
Becoming my own person and owning who I was as a person took a lot of mistakes. My mistakes manifested in the forms of binge drinking, binge eating, gambling, and spending a shit ton of money on things. I was pretending like overindulgence would help satisfy my hunger to be a less shitty person.
But it didn’t…
I mean, it did…
For a short amount of time.
Who isn’t happy with a brand new Playstation 4, a new car, new watches, new clothes, and all you can eat sushi? Who doesn’t love gambling and winning money? Temporary satisfaction was all I wanted.
It was greedy, and it was selfish of me to deal with my problems in this way and there’s only so much shit that I could stack on top of each other before it all fell down.
Once you hit rock bottom, you really do.
I remember sitting on the floor of bedroom puking into a trash can thinking, what the fuck am I doing right now? Why am I here? Was this worth it?
And I said I’m all in. I’m making changes to my life. I stopped binge drinking, binge eating, I stopped spending money on things that didn’t matter and I held myself accountable for the shitty things I’ve done and I pushed the negativity out of my life.
I began to invest in experiences and friends.
I surrounded myself with people that brought out the best in me, and people that pushed me to do things I’d never do before. I built a team that I could count on, and that could count on me too.
I’m still learning though...
Sometimes I forget that words can hurt, and sometimes I forget that I shouldn’t be thinking about myself all the time. Sometimes, I forget to talk to the people around me too. But this time around though, I know I’ll always be putting my best foot forward for the people in my life, and for myself as well.
I know I made made a good change in my life. These past three years have been filled with memorable moments like Disneyland with amazing people, traveling to Sacramento just for some awesome food, music festivals with some of my best friends and I’m grateful that I chose to accept responsibility for my actions and who I was as a person. It helped me build an amazing squad around me and create the best memories I’ve ever had.