)’( 2018: Total Sidebar

I lost my voice talking to the universe and screaming at my friends how much I love them.

I am the man way up high somewhere over the rainbow that you heard of once in a lullaby.

There’s no place like home…

There’s no place like home…

There’s no place like this where I felt like I belong.

It’s really simple: You go in the middle of nowhere and you create a masterpiece.

You go in to middle of nowhere and you make it everything you need it to be.

There’s something pure about losing your mind all while surrounded by people you genuinely love. It’s hard to understand.

These are the scattered thoughts of a lunatic.

Proceed with caution. Or run at a frantic pace with no regards for anything. Out here both will get you exactly where you need to be.

In a room full of religious people I’ll yell out we are nothing more than gods robots.

For the most part that’s what we are. We have our routines. We have our responsibilities. We have our malfunctions because we don’t deal with our demons.

I never go to the desert to find myself I know who I am. I know how people who wholeheartedly know me feel about me. And I know who those who only know me from a mask I give the world view me. I’ve become consistent in my balance. I bathe in my light and learn from my dark.

Who are you really?

That’s a dangerous question to ask, because what if they actually answer.

What if they tell you the truth?

What if they say “I honestly don’t know”?

In the desert people see you, they don’t look at you.

There’s a vast difference.

To see someone you can appreciate them. To look at someone you must stare, you must judge. You must wonder to yourself is it acceptable for them to be like this? Despite their happiness is it okay for them to act this way in this setting?

Burning Man is an empty canvas. Being uniquely human is like a paintbrush out there.

It’s really simple: You go to a harsh environment in the middle of nowhere with some people you know. You build things. You indulge when you like. You abstain when you like. You burn things down.

It’s alluringly complex: You prepare for something that you know is going to change you. How do you prepare for that? You see your best friends who you want to be around all the time but life won’t allow it. You put your phone down and don’t think about it again. You spend a week chasing the rabbit. You ride bikes for hours in the search for nothing all. You own a small business with your friends and it’s not easy but you make it work. You fall in love with a finger bird named DoDo. You Moo like a cow because it in that moment it makes you feel more free than anything else. You realize it’s all silly. You realize these conversations could change the world. You ask if the Moon is Saturn. You ask how many moons are in the sky tonight. You bust your camelback because you’re at the bottom of a cuddle puddle. You wonder if serial killers have these same thoughts. You go to the Temple and feel sad over the loved ones you lost. You hope there’s a better place. You feel the pain of those all around you. You find joy again. You are in a group of 30 people with no camera so someone else takes pictures of us we don’t remember. You burn your hand because you tried to jetboil water for a hotty toddy in the middle of a dance floor called Slut Garden. You wonder how some of these new faces were ever considered strangers. How is it these people weren’t always in your life? You make a bar out of a tree and call it a SideBar. You do body shots on that side bar. You tell stories with your friend to strangers in exchange for a drink. You convince wizards to let you wear their hat. You make angels in the dust. You dance with your dawgs in the night time. You lose your bike and your friends at the worse possible time, but discover so much about yourself. You find your friends in the most random of places and all tell stories about this night. You put the universe in your system. You find swings that are 100ft high and remind yourself life is all about the view. You get back to camp at 5am and think that finally you will get more than 2 hours sleep. Then just as you sit down two of your friends who are at Burning Man for the first time find you and want to see the sunrise. You get on your bike and chase the horizon till 10am. You dance as the sun creeps over the playa. You sleep in a ball pit. You watch moms twerk. You see generations of families creating tradition. You remind yourself to eat. You continue to put the universe in your system. You play with fire. You blow bubbles into the wind. You think you lose everything and realize it was only your mind. You stand in a forest of lights then look up to fireworks going off in every direction. You start as a big group then separate. You go under a dimly lit stingray cloth and wonder why your friends can’t find you. You realize you are at the darkest place in a sea of lights. That’s why your friends can’t find you. You put on glasses that make everything appear in the shape of a heart and wonder why everyone in the world can’t be apart of this moment with us. You wish your friends back in the default world could be here. Postcards don’t do this place justice. You say hellos by trading gifts you say your goodbyes giving hugs. You miss it even when you are in it. Life needs more moments like this. As it’s all happening you don’t want it to end. Prisms in the sky will eventually turn into meetings, responsibilities, notifications.

If you feel like an intruder in my thoughts. Almost if you are reading something not meant entirely for your eyes. That’s the point. I want you to be apart of the experience. You are all my friends and I wish you were here. Postcards don’t do this place justice.

The You is We. These aren’t all my memories but I was somehow connected to all of them.

Genuine human connection. It’s ironic how that is missing in our everyday lives. I wish we did more about it.

You can be as weird or as normal as you want to be. The trick is once you realize there’s no labels at all.

It’s really simple: Just Be

It’s alluringly complex: Who are you really?

I’ve never been perfect but neither have you. So why don’t we try understanding? Is that asking too much.

I want to see people, not look at them.

I try to never judge others for their vices just because I sin different. I am more well equipped to bear these crosses by being more spiritual than religious. I put my faith in the universe. The stars I wish upon may be dead like guardian angels but they never let me down.

I thought about you in the desert while I looked at pretty lights because the tint of your skin gets a glow in the summer time.

I want the type of energy where I ask someone who are they really and they honestly tell me the truth.

We built.

Every interaction we have in this life we either build or destroy.

This week we consistently built.

We beautifully built.

We did exactly what we were supposed to do at Burning Man. We made it whatever we want.

Now we reminisce about all the things we lost in the fire.

These are the scattered thoughts of a lunatic.

What is real can never be forgotten.

What is real can stand the test of time.

Society is an oppressive form of gravity. Burning man is the imagination of the human spirit flying.

So what if this is all real?

One Comment Add yours

  1. Mama Wag says:

    This is a beautiful story of our experience at Burning Man! Thanks for putting it into words💕

Leave a Reply