Papa, Who Cares?

How the fuck you leave a black boy in the hands of America?

Tough as diamonds but they treat us like everyday stones to be tossed from a glass house because we came from broken homes.

Made the streets my home.

Made this zoo into a jungle.

Our stomachs would grumble. We heard gunshots at night. So what makes you think I would fear the thunder?

They said I speak like you but talk is cheap. Can eyeball a nickel and a dime because the world tried to shortchange me.

I had to lie to myself and say everything would be alright. I could’ve used you on those Eastside nights. I could’ve used males voice telling me I was a prince. I grew up with my role models next to me handcuffs on wrist.

I heard all their questions but I operated like I didn’t speak their language.

I had to become self aware just to survive around here. I had to realize the flaws of my community were designed to have me killed. It took a toll on me but when it came to dues I paid my fair share.

No pools around they want you to drown. My kind create too many waves when we learn how to swim.

Sometimes I still have nightmares.

Making my lucid dreams a reality is what keeps me here.

You created something that you weren’t there for. I’ve created something that we are always here for each other. Every week I give a piece of me. This journey is living art. I hold it together because the results of falling off is that I fall apart.

I’m the one that’s never allowed to fall apart.

I will unravel some.

These light eyes have seen things you wouldn’t believe. They say it takes a village well them corner stores looked after me. I was on the scene luckily I held onto my name because I had strong Roots from my family tree. Build these bonds and break these chains. There’s no Toby in me.

I went full bloom when there was nothing but concrete around to soil the seed. It was a Miracle in order to Grow in my 20’s I didn’t bring that energy over from my teens.

I got abunch of beautiful women who pray for me. All blood related so they probably just as insane as me. The pride they took in making sure I survived is a big reason the powers that be didn’t make prey of me.

I got a future wife somewhere that realizes I’ll get it right the third time around, but we only getting married once. Non refundable gifts for always I need you close.

I offer my apologies I’m still learning how to be everything I want to be.

And I know I can’t live forever, but before I go I’m going to have an era

Im going to have a run

I’m going to own a time period

I want to move with no equals so these sins from grandfathers don’t get bestowed upon my offspring when I choose to have sequels.

All my dearly beloveds will gather and have proper family portraits.

They’ll never mistake diamonds for stones again.

Dynasty framed on the walls in my community this is like rare art pieces.

How the fuck did you leave a black boy to be another statistic in America?

Only explanation is that you were a lost soul too.

But that’s not an excuse…

How the fuck you leave a black boy to live what they see on the news in America?

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you see me?

Papa, can you find me in the night?

Papa, are you near me?

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you help me not be frightened?

Papa, you know they pulled that trigger when they put that gun to my friends head?

Papa, sit down let me tell you all the times son almost ended up dead.

Papa, let me tell you how I learned not to be scared.

Papa, let me tell you about them late night rides where I was ready to die

Papa, why I have to learn about the birds and the bees growing up from these fast ass kids?

Papa, why they call us ghetto? Why these Neighborhoods ain’t got no pools? Why they scared to teach us to swim?

Papa why did I have to break into homes just so I could have a place to sleep?

Papa, let me tell you about the things you didn’t teach me.

Papa, let me tell you how young I had to let go of childish things cause I wanted less tears in my moms eyes.

Papa, don’t worry you ain’t the reason for my pain no more. I’m the lion now and they really tried to tame the boy.

Papa, don’t worry I know sometimes you think about me. It’s okay I’m not your faults as a man or your mistakes. I won’t hurt those I care for just to spite my face. I let go of my pride and my ego I only bring it out if someone plays with my name.

They going to tell all my truths. So please don’t ever play with my name.

Papa, in your absence they raised a king.

Papa, can hear me?

Fuck it. Who cares…

I’m calling my mom

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