Human Story

One of the beauties of writing is you never know who is going to read. I suppose that is one of the great fears too. I’m still at the point where there are no guarantees. If I release something new, it’s really good, and the timing is right; a few thousand will read it. But if I don’t put up anything for a few weeks. If I don’t feel anything is good enough to post for a solid month. Those numbers begin to dwindle. 

At some point everything begins to fade. Every Sun dies and every candles loses its flame.

I’ll look at the stats and it’ll be a thousand for a day, then a few hundred for a week or two. Then it varies sometimes 54 one day then 600 another. Then you’ll get a random Tuesday where you get only one reader the entire day.  One single  person that is reading something you created. That one human read a piece you wrote months ago about suicide and not giving up. Then you receive a message that simply says the words “Thank You” and you realize that you touched someone in a impactful way on a Tuesday night. There’s power in that. Something real that is beyond me that I wouldn’t even believe. I just give food for thought and sometimes strangers come and eat.

I didn’t come with an army of happy thoughts just to wage a war against your mental. I did come equip with hope and a blue print to help you build a foundation of fortitude so you don’t feel like you are locked in a fortress of solitude. I know the ugly truths. 

I lived them, I spoke them. 

I was born with the promise of Heaven but I lived through Hell. I know how demons are made and I’ve seen angels sing. They told me I wouldn’t make it this far and now the road seems limitless.

I know every smile doesn’t mean a happy ending. Sometimes we smile not for ourselves but to make everyone else feel alright. To make sure those who worry about us can sleep at night while we lay awake thinking about the worst things. Rooms at capacity fire Marshall on the loud speaker telling everyone they have to leave yet you feel alone. Cellphone full of contacts but if it got real you don’t know who to call. It’s not even that you hide from the world. It just seems that everyone with a vision sees through you. And you know the entire world can’t be blind, so that must mean you are invisible. 

We run from our problems because it seems like a quicker solution than walking through our problems. Walking towards the things that we feel may leave us broken. Even though we know in the back of our mind confronting our issues may very well complete us. The logistics of it seem logical. But we forget it’s more beneficial to walk forwards than to run backwards. It’s not about the speed but more so the destination. 

And I won’t sit here and say our journey is the same. I won’t tell you just because I have been hurt before it means I understand your pain. Because even if we are all drowning in the same ocean I understand our insecurities can be riding different waves. That depression may be dancing in your brain and it seems self doubt may accompany it with a full blown orchestra driving you insane. But black swan just know I hope you make it to the end off the ballet. I hope they appreciate your song and share your dance forevermore. Even if I am the only one in the audience, just know I’m ready to clap for you. I am on the edge of my seat fully prepared to give you a standing ovation. 

The crowd went wild when you decided to be your own version of beauty.

I could hear the jubilant screams when you defined your own masculinity.

We live in a world that is constantly teaching us to hate our reflection and every room we walk in is full of mirrors.

 I can see how that can tear you apart…

Everyday we get on devices that show us someone’s life is better than ours. 

I can see how that can tear you apart…

All these ways to communicate but you don’t know what to say. Every time you think you have it figured out a simple refresh and it all changes again

I can see how that can tear you apart…

 It appears everyone is a filter away from happiness. But just because the masses love low hanging fruit doesn’t mean we should be afraid to climb trees. 

If not for the feast than at least to enjoy the view.

Yeah you have your wounds but I’ll plant of forest of trees with the blood from your leaves. Just so you know you’re part of the reason people breathe. 

IF TODAY YOU NEED TO READ HERE IS MY TESTIMONY: I’m horrible at math and I fucked up more times than I care to count, divide, add, subtract or multiply. And every time I dare believe in myself it seems life gives me a set of circumstances that counts me out. Took trauma to the head but I never been down for the count. But when I do sleep at night I hope I wake up every morning. I hope my family becomes legendary and my friends become great. I hope you make it through many more days. If it’s us against them I’m always siding with you.

IF YOU JUST NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TODAY: physically or metaphorically tell me how you got those scars. I love a good human story.

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