Nirvana to Infinity 

We living like young Nirvana if you understand that please keep on reading. 

If not hopefully you come back next time.


I never allow myself to cry especially when there’s others crying tears in the room. I just don’t have it in me. I have this obsession to be strong no matter what I’m going through. I feel as if I can save everybody as if I only know how to reach with helping hands. Burning bridges but I can’t walk on water and with the climate change soon enough I’ll be drowning in the sand. I don’t let people in, it’s my fatal flaw. 
I’m well aware. 

The people I do let in become my strength. 

Im glad you care. 

I’m afraid of losing you all. I suppose that’s why I am alone in my nightmares. 

You’re the light in my life and I never got night vision. Had to feel the pain while you young so you can be old with wisdom. That’s why every time we go our separates ways I say “get home safe”. For all of you I love, I tell my mother pray. I don’t take this for granted like loans that don’t have to be repaid. So busy dealing with my demons. That I forgot the devil was angel. Vultures coming at every angle. And forbidden fruit is dangling low for cheap from every countertop and table like they corner store Now and Laters. I’m worried about the Now, let the writing figure out Later. Glad I can hide behind the lion because money and praise make people strange. I just want to do charity and travel with my friends. Talk about the connectivity of this electricity where my brain ends. I remember when the FBI raided the house told myself I never wanted to have that feeling again. I only do things they can’t take away from me. Then life showed me these humans I care for most can be taken away from me.

It’s not suppose to be this way. I’m sick of writing obituaries for young princes before they get a chance to become old kings. Closer to god than ever. Ever been closer to god? Ever been proud of your sins while you dance with wolves who have no intention to repent? I know it can’t be only me. I think all your imperfections are beautiful. I look in the mirror just to view all of you like eternal reflections of me. I’m fishing in the Dead Sea like the abyss only go a Kaepernick knee deep.

Feeling alive like Kurt Cobain. Thank you for reading. Thank you feeling. I’m somewhere between Nirvana and Infinity. 

Why leave the house if there’s really nothing outside the pain? Ask me how I’m feeling and I don’t know where to start. Artificial intelligence. I’m self aware that I’m falling apart. Crumbling masterpiece, living life is how you destroy art. I just lost some of my sanity, you should fear me now. I’m sitting here wondering who going to change next like the guy who use to ask “Can you hear me now?”. I’m talking to the stars downtown like can you hear me now?! Screaming to the super moon like I’m here right now. I turned into a insomniac waiting for the heavens to give me a message and make a sound. 

Give the world art but never go full Kurt Cobain. Be a creative Genius but never go full Kanye. They love you when you Kanye, but they hate you when you Kanye. I’m somewhere between Nirvana and infinity.

Time should be the most valuable but all they taught us to spend was that ” IN GOD WE TRUST” we believe in the money but does god believe in us. But does your god still believe us? These are just some thoughts from the vault that came with a special kind of key. I hope you find inner peace even if that means you have to take a piece of me. I’m the best in the world at writing about heartbreak I hope that’s not why the universe keeps giving me heartache. I never been saved by the bell I had to fight for everything. Wearing 25th hour and still thinking there’s not enough time in the day. I rather go back to hanging with killers than dealing with student loan debt. That’s a real life thought I had just the other day.

We all feel alone I just write it on a special way. I get all your messages. Just know the lion cares for you in special way. Had to learn to deal with the words I write help people in their daily life. Guy sent me a message saying please don’t quit because he reads the blog and it help him not to take his own life. And I don’t always know what to do with that. So I write.

I don’t always know what to do with that…

So

I

Write

Sometimes life is so Kurt Cobain. They never appreciate you until you go full Amy Winehouse. I wish you lived in peace Amy Winehouse. People don’t care you’re alive until you’re dead. That shits weird to me. I’m somewhere between Nirvana and Infinity. 

I’m a real weirdo before you judge me I’ll say it myself. Isolation; the time I have with my thoughts alone is my idea of wealth. Simply not going insane is my current idea of health. Only real difference I have between most is I know I’m imperfect and I’m not ashamed of myself. Theories of all these concepts I don’t even know where my minds at. Constantly writing on the walls because when you have a creative outlet you don’t really need human contact. It always high tides when you looking for stable signs like your vessel was meant to be shipwrecked. The universe is inside me but I barely notice the world is falling apart. My friends hold me together two hands at a time like their fingertips are the architects for Noah Arc. Angels gave speeches from the start but I hear all the devils remarks. Pools full of blood as I go off the deep end just to swim with sharks. How crazy am I? I just told you POOLS FULL OF BLOOD AS I GO OFF THE DEEP END TO SWIM WITH SHARKS! Telling me I’m dead inside is a bull eyes like drunk white guys playing a game of darts. 

 
Start a movement and you’ll never be forgotten, like Kurt Cobain. Make humans feel a certain way and you’ll live forever, like Kurt Cobain

People should remember you as a light in their life. A candle to some and a Sun to others. I’m not saying I’ll never let you down. I’m saying when you are at your lowest I’ll be there with you on the ground. Together we get back up. I’m a man of many mistakes and probably not enough apologies. I don’t do suicide notes. I just put sentences together to let people know they’re not alone. Smells like the spirit of the young, I hope you always come as you are. 

Feels like everything either happens in an instant or takes an eternity. We are all somewhere between death and living forever. I mean we’re all somewhere between Nirvana and Infinity. 

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